The last few weeks have been pretty crazy around here. One of our staff just moved back, as God changed things up for her and her husband. She was able to quickly and easily transition back into things, yet it’s still a learning process. Then we had some problems with one of the squads – they were trying to travel from the Dominical Republic through the States to Thailand to get to Cambodia. It was a crazy journey, and then we had a girl get sick and stuck in Miami (with two teammates looking after her). I took on the task of keeping everyone in the loop and getting the girls safely to Cambodia to be with the rest of their squad (which happened quite smoothly & she is feeling much better!).
Even with all the random stressful things going on, I think this last week has been the hardest. We have noticed a trend… the closer we get to having a training camp (March 27~April 5), the more Satan will do anything to slow us down. I have felt a heaviness this last week that has affected every part of me. The smallest things have me praying that my filter is on tightly (also known as biting your tongue, or keeping your mouth shut so that you don’t say things that you shouldn’t be saying). My world has seemed to be spinning at times. Plus it’s one thing for me to be spiritually attacked, it’s another when it starts to affect my family and friends … and it has this week.
There are even more changes that are about to happen at work and even in just my life here in Gainesville. Some of them I know are going to happen and I am just waiting for God’s timing (however my patience is running thin). Then there are others that I have no clue what they will look like and to be honest I am a little nervous.
This morning I lay in bed and was just asking the Lord what is this emptiness inside of me, the heaviness that is upon me is? Sadly there was no answer. I’ve spent lots of time this week soaking in worship. There is a deep craving for worship, to just sit in the holy of holies. I don’t need to sing, to pray, or to even say a word, I just want to be.
I might be confused, tired, and just ready for things to happen. God hasn’t stopped speaking (even if He isn’t answering my questions right now). But the faith and trust that I have in God keeps me putting one foot in front of the other for now…
